I am at a crossroads. Some paths I can choose and others I may have no choice but to take. I’ve put on a bit of weight this last month. I have not handled my increased appetite in a healthy way. I just started eating more crap. I’m tracking again on MFP and have so much trouble being completely truthful. I’ll list some of the almond butter I ate of the jar but not all of it, or will omit that four pieces of dark chocolate. Yesterday’s entry was about 90% truthful, and holy carbs Batman!!! I don’t process them well and try very hard to stay under 150. It was from all that freaking dark chocolate I ate yesterday. I had no idea I was racking up the carbs from eating that. Fat, yes, but carbs never occurred to me. Gotta work on that.
Then there are my workouts. I didn’t swim this week and dropped back down to working out five days a week instead of six. Tuesday I pounded at 50 minutes on the stairmill and 35 minutes on the elliptical, Wednesday was really mediocre with 30 minutes on the stairmill and a 50 minute spin class. I felt really weak in the legs, so my effort was less than what it can be. I also felt a twinge in my injured leg. Last night I took treadmill class- 60 minutes walking at a pretty major incline (my min. is 10%) at 3.5MPH and later 3.6MPH, then I rounded out my calories by doing 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer. Tomorrow will be spin and stairs. Sunday will be a long hike. So what’s wrong with this? I’m bored. I’m not progressing. I’m soft and squishy. I feel slow and big.
Next week I am finally having the thyroid cancer follow-up, which I am sure is going to contribute to the “slow and big” feeling. I think my hormones are still totally fucked up from being hypo and that I am carrying around bloat, not just weight but I have been eating a lot of peanut butter and almond butter. Those have been my biggest “food sins.” Also: constipation. I’m super uncertain about the results this time. This is my sixth year and the first time the blip from 2010 (elevated tumor marker) is going to be fully explored. That’s why I am nervous. My last UCLA endocrinologist was blase about thyroid cancer and refused to do a stimulated tumor marker test despite the fact I had a history of it being elevated, and I’ve had no ultrasound in two years! She’s also the idiot who told me there was no need to test my TSH after I had to switch over to Synthroid after the Levoxyl recall and I subsequently went hypo, which encourages cancer growth. IDIOT. My new UCLA endo takes this much more seriously. So. I’m nervous.
The good news is I have a four-day weekend. I’m trying to decide whether I want to revisit coffee with the Triathlete. Last night in class we spent some time play-arguing and giving each other looks. I love arguing with him; he fights back! Last night he was making it too easy. My base incline was something like 10% and he told me to start at 8% and I was like, um, I’m already doing more than that. He conceded then told me “I have a plan” and that he wasn’t trying to crush me. Well, he doesn’t know how I like to work out, then! LOL! He was making it up as he was going along, I know. I was holding at 15% for two or three minutes and I ended up increasing the speed because my heart rate was barely in the mid-150s. During cool down it plummets of course, and he was being kind of condescending about this. “This means you are in good cardiovascular shape.” REALLY?! I HAD NO IDEA. He should stop being so surprised. I’m not technically an endurance athlete, nor do I look like one, but oh hey heart rate! He kept randomly appearing next to me and at one point told me I have “a very strong heart,” a sentiment that could have been actually been about my cardiovascular health, but could have been taken any number of other ways as well.
The other side of my brain is shouting, “DANGER WILL ROBINSON! Don’t do it! Don’t go there! Just let it go! Do not email him about being free for coffee on Monday or Tuesday.”